So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
