WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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