I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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