it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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