It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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