exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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