im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
