i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
