my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
