I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
