Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
