just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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