Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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