I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Non-Jews are for practice
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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