loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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