i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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