i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
All I want is dick and wine.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
