I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Randomize
