Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
It's blow job season.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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