Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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