Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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