Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
