belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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