so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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