I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
