I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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