I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You need Xanax blowdarts
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
