Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
