I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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