I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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