there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
