he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
