I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
