My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
These tits shall not be calmed
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
