Dude my mom stole all your condoms
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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