He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
