I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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