I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
