She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
As shirtless as possible
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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