I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
