dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
