my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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