Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
