So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
