): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
