I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
