watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
