you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
You can't special order awesome
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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