I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Say something about gay babies.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
My penis needs a shock collar
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
