I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
