And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
