I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
