Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
